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If you didn’t already know, today is the day Mayan wannabe cult associate Lori Vallow predicted the world’s complete end. And honestly how thoughtful of her to go out of her way and give us the decency to share that bit of information! Um, can I get a God who?
All jokes aside, I will like to also mention ever since she came into the media, I started blaming all my shortcomings on her.
I just can’t fathom living in a world where everything isn’t her fault. That girl truly has a special place in Hell for all the things she’s done π
Anyways, since today will be our last time to enjoy life on earth, I figured it would be best to confess most of my sins now so that when I do meet the big man upstairs, I come off more as a natural (which will hopefully get me more Jesus points).
(γ£ββ‘β)γ£ β₯ Reem’s Confessions β₯
- Sometimes, when I’m channeling Mariah Carey I tell people I’m on a super healthy diet, when I’m not. I just want people to think I’m skinny.
- When the hairdresser asks if I’ve ever used boxed dye, I gasp and say nβ₯eβ₯vβ₯eβ₯r.
- When I found out my very Pakistani mother was unknowingly using lube as a mineral add-in for her drinking water, I roasted her instead of fixing the problem. ΰ²₯_ΰ²₯
- When a cashier asks me if I want to round up my change to donate to charity I say π·πΈ π½π±πͺπ·π΄ ππΈπΎ. It’s really awkward but ya girl not financially stable either.
- I pee in the shower almost all the time :/
- I dislike the Progressive spokeslady with a fiery passion. Hearing her voice enrages my inner demons.
- I deliberately try not to associate myself with people who eat ravioli.
- I tend to call out any person I see in public who has their zipper down.
- If I eat anything that tastes weird I’m ready to throw hands. My street name in the kitchen is pretty much Gordon Ramsay (ββΠβ)β彑β»ββ»
- I talk a lot of shit, I can’t help it. It’s the desi blood in me Β―\_(γ)_/Β―
So there’s that and before I go, I would like to advise all of you to also rack up as much Jesus points as possible during this time. Go compliment a Walmart shopper or something. Do what you can.
